Evidently, it’s not a thing. Telling people the dreams from the night before. Sometimes I care enough to keep my dreams to myself. Other times, they’re vivid and wild enough that they need sharing. Yes. I decide that they need sharing.

I do know it was a long night’s sleep. This is not normal for me. The reason my sleep lasted over 10 hours last night is because I didn’t sleep the night before. That’s the fourth time in ten days that I’ve stayed up all night.

My lack of sleep followed by a lot of sleep is not a pattern I like. I’ve spoken to doctors, I have medications, I take supplements, and nothing works consistently. There are underlying stressors. A lot of them. It’s my stress that’s affecting me. I know this of course.

My dream last night felt long. It took a long time to get to the penis (and the following sprouting of more), and the first part is sketchy. I can’t quite remember all the details, but I know there were elevators, there was a lot happening. My biggest memory of the first portion is how many Chinese dumpling shops I was walking by. I love Chinese dumplings. I will have some one of these days.

I don’t know when I first realized I had grown a penis. It just showed up. A happy thing, nice enough in length and girth, I just didn’t understand that penises could grow—just like that. Disbelief aside, it was there, and I was pretty sure I needed to see a doctor.

I got busy doing other things in my dream so I forgot about the penis until it dawned on me that I should tell my husband. I pulled down my pants in front of him and now there were two penises. We both wondered what to do next, and while we contemplated options, two more grew. I was sprouting penises.

By the time I was ready to wake up, I had 30-40 penises sprouting in my crotch.

I gently touched my pants when I woke up, wondering whether the mound of protruding penises was there—they weren’t—it’s a dream.

I long ago gave up an analyzing my dreams. On this occasion, I am really wondering if this dream shouldn’t be analyzed.