The fact that I hear chorale music when the AC is on, I’ve mentioned before. It was, at the time, cute and surprising and scary and confusing. I wondered if these were gifts from my father who died in October 2023 as he decades of experience as a chorale director. Dad loved to sing. He was serious about his music. This was Dad, right? Not some unknown condition that should scare me, yes? Please say yes.

I took this to my primary care doctor and my therapist. My PCP agreed it was odd, and we’d keep an eye on it. “Keep checking back in about this,” she said. My psychologist congratulated me for my courage in bringing this to her attention. We discussed it in detail. Yes, technically I’m hearing music that’s not there. No, that’s not necessarily a good thing. Do I hear voices? No. Rather, not really. I don’t hear voices I communicate with. I do hear a random voice here and there. That’s not new, and it happens very infrequently. The music? I hear it every time the AC is on. Now it’s turned into any kind of music I listen to.

My Bluetooth headphones that I wear at night, keep my tinnitus at bay, and help me sleep. This bedtime routine is important to me. What I listen to changes every night. Now, I have a second stream of music that lies behind the music from the headphones. It’s not loud. It’s more chorale music (I swear they sound like angels), sometimes cello or violin or piano or even drums. Sometimes it simply has to be the Robert Shaw Chorale because I’ve listened to these growing up. I know their music well.

My therapist then said this. 

It’s possible the music I’m hearing is a gift from my father. Maybe he’s trying to help me sleep. Maybe he’s trying to help me relax. While it *does* fall into the category of hearing voices (not good), as it’s not now, yes, we’re going to keep a very close eye on this.

She then said, “What you’re experiencing is called auditory hallucinations,” and now, of course, I’m freaked out. Hallucinations? Musical hallucinations? Seriously? That’s a thing? And, that’s what this is? Hallucinations sound ominous. Like I might be getting close to–what ? Losing my mind? Is that what this is?

So, dear people. I will share more on this over the next weeks and months.

Knowledge is power. We all need more of both.