I write this listening to AARP’s presentation of Luka Šulić’s concert of Vivaldi’s The Four Seasons. Incredible cellist. I mention this because I am a member of AARP. I’m not retired yet because: 1). I can’t financially, 2). I can’t for my own good. I will “retire” when I am too sick to work.

The first time one of my friends received a letter from AARP was over ten years ago. The woman who got the invitation to join was turning 50. She objected, “I’m too young to be in AARP!” except, obviously, she wasn’t. We all age. Even when we have no idea what that might look like.

When I was 21 I was invited over to a professor’s home for dinner. There were around ten people sitting in the living room chatting before dinner. The professor’s aunt was there. I remember clearly, trying to hold in my laughter as she farted when she got up from the sofa, and she continued to fart all the way to the table. Guess who else farts when she stands up? 35+ years later? I am that aunt. My point? I was young once. I was a bossy, righteously angry young woman who has turned into a woman who is simply tired. Oddly invigorated by certain events that happened last week but aside from that, I’m tired of fighting. I’m tired of having to explain myself. I’m tired of having to walk away from angry young people because I hurt their feelings by saying something wrong.

As, we are only (evidently) good for babysitting and other mundane household chores (says our wonderful soon-to-be-VP) I suddenly feel free. Hear me out. My kid and their partner aren’t having kids. No babysitting for me in my old age. Does this make me less useful to society? I would comfortably guess the US VP-elect would agree. I can hear him saying, “Your days are numbered.”

See, here’s the thing.

I have no intention of being irrelevant. I may fart when I stand but my mind is sharp and I’m willing to tell it like it is. Other people’s opinions of me don’t affect what I say. Maybe to whom, but not the content.

When the VP-elect starts receiving AARP mail, I wonder if he will also feel old. Will he see himself as a burden to society? Nah. The strapping politician with two years of public service under his belt, “bought” and/or “persuaded” by a billionaire to say what the billionaire wants, he’s going to go all out on what my role should be as an older woman and the worth I contribute to society. I wonder if AARP will take a stance against this kind of talk.

Also, I just want to point out that if a female politician who had been in public service for TWO years was a candidate running as VP, we’d say she was bankrolled and sugar-daddied by a billionaire. I stand by this.

Young people don’t know what it’s like to get old because they’re young. They’re sassier than my generation ever was (especially at their age) but I’m strongly leaning towards doing my thing. MY thing. The conversation about worth has been hijacked. I’m politically irrelevant, and am silenced (“OK, Boomer”) by the young.

I’m tired. But, nowhere close to tired enough to step aside.

So. There you have it. I’m old enough, mad enough, and strong-willed enough to do my thing. My own thing. I’ll fart the whole way as I do what I want. The massive miscalculations of what us AARPers can do aside, folks, we’re just getting started.

We fart. And we don’t care.