It does make me wonder sometimes; just how much more can I change? Sometimes we acclimate instead of changing. Sometimes we protest. Other times we ignore the change expected of us. With the speed at which information becomes available (if you know where to look for it) I’m not keeping up and I know it. I also know there’s an expectation—a new one—I will know certain words. I will know not to do or say things.  Not all changes are the same; an obvious but powerful comment to note.

On that note, I am right away reminded of new information being a big deal. This example is embarrassing and possibly (potentially?) charming.

I thought people who used semicolons and colons in their writing were uppity. Snobs. My upbringing didn’t include learning how or when to use either. I read (tried, rather) to read a book written by one of my mentors. Within the three sentences, he used four semicolons and three colons. I put the book down then and there. I sensed this book was going to be over my head. Nevermind he was my mentor. People who use that much punctuation in a short period of time? I was intimidated. Another person I knew vaguely from years ago published a book. The first half of the page was covered in both punctuation marks I resent. I did finish that one because he calmed down soon on in the book.

When I learned how to type in 10^th grade, I couldn’t understand why the left pinky was responsible for A. The pinky on the other hand was used for the semicolon and colon. Why would anyone think the pinky was the correct finger for an often-used letter like A? In typing, it was clear the pinky was the weakest finger; hence it got relegated to the never-used colon and semicolon. But the A? It made no sense.

I shared that story in an email 20 years ago to a classmate from high school and got a laugh. Only then, did it occur to me, my hesitation, nay, objection to use my right pinky for a silly little punctuation mark  might be story-worthy.

Decades later, I decided enough was enough. I sat my 33-year old kid down and asked for an explanation. “Make me understand this. Don’t let me lie and tell you I get it when I don’t. It’s time: I need to learn how to use these things.” My face must have shown annoyance and perhaps I sighed or even rolled my eyes. My kid laughed, not at me but at the innocence of the question. This was not, “Mommy, will you teach me how to use a semicolon?” NO. This was me, humbled (and still annoyed) asking my child to teach me how punctuation works.

I’m pretty sure I have it figured out. Then again, every now as I edit my writing, I’ll see a random semicolon thrown in where it clearly doesn’t belong, and I wonder if I’m doing that out of spite: “Here! Take that!” Or, perhaps, I still haven’t understood my kids’ lesson fully. (I may ask for a refresher course.)

Although I am American, I was born and raised in another country. My parents spoke to me in English at home, but once we stepped outside, we heard next to no English. I was born and raised in Japan at a time where there were far fewer foreigners than today. Simply put, we stuck out. Even in a metropolis like Tokyo. Having attended K-7 in Japanese schools, I was sorely lacking in fundamental English grammar, vocabulary, reading, and writing. In essence, Japanese first language I was educated in.

My latest problem is trying to explain the freedom in, and offence taken by using punctuation. To foreigners. Along with trying to explain that they/them is singular but should be described as “are” if they’re going on a trip.

“Did you know Sven is going on a trip.”

“They are?”

Explaining why that is accurate is frustrating, as I inevitably end up saying, “someone decided that’s it’s how it’s going to be now, so you have to say it that way for nonbinary people. Unless, of course, they don’t use they/them but use neo-pronouns.” 

Nowhere in what I’ve read or heard, have I come across a satisfactory explanation on why it is perfectly acceptable to ask foreigners not to use periods and exclamation marks. According to those who are offended by the “traditional” use of punctuation, a collective reframing of punctuation is overdue.

I’ve also not heard of an international student who has bothered to explain to the administration, staff, and students why using they/them pronouns and the numerous neo-pronouns is an acceptable change in English. Who changed it? Is it official? What makes it official, anyway? Will we get a memo? A White Paper? Or, is this a case-by-case thing? How are we supposed to know?

I’m not opposed to using pronouns as requested by people. My kid is a they/them. I what to point out—this is going to hurt for some of you—it’s not well thought through. I get this is what you want but giving a few examples of “precedent” isn’t enough to explain why they should do as you say.

 This is linguistic colonialism. Marching into a foreign land and laying down your rules is exactly what many countries did in the past. We don’t do that anymore. We look down on countries that do. Formal and public apologies for past crimes against people is now an expectation. A fair one, I might add. How then, do we turn around and insist upon changes based on individual preference? To foreigners who have no context why this is necessary, or even allowed, much less expected. Is someone leading this change so there’s an understanding of what pronouns mean today? Or, as my friend in a Japanese university recently said to me, “I keep getting called a racist pig and it’s starting to get old.” What does that accomplish, rather than make you look like a spoiled 21-year-old who is overly emotional? My friend (a university administrator) got called names because he didn’t know this person’s pronouns. Babes. Honey. Really? You simply must tell people what your pronouns are. Before you call them names.

I sense I am becoming more conversative in my views on certain issues. Always opinionated, I am usually perfectly comfortable saying what I think/feel and why. This time is different. There is a clear vibe. I can hear the words now.  “Sit down” followed with an implied “and shut up.” Somewhere in there I’ll be called a Karen.

When ideas are well thought out and explained in a way most everyone would understand, I am all in. Even if I don’t agree, I will engage in a discussion. In the meantime, I continue to wonder how I am even supposed to know this? Any of it? I read something by accident, on a whim and find out the “thumbs up” icon is offensive. I read the meaning of the word “basic” is now more complex. No one tells me to do this; it’s all a fluke. Yet, when I don’t understand, or simply didn’t know, I’m tisk-tisked by those who say I should know.

Is change good? Yes. Is it always good? No. How much more will I change? I’ve always liked morphing. I’ve enjoyed experimenting with everything from ideas to languages. I’m absolutely not opposed to change. I am, however, not sure what to do anymore. I agree with my friend. It’s tiring, always being told I’m offensive or rude or insensitive. I don’t know the rules, and I don’t know where to look.

Change. Yes, and no. Right now, I’m tired.

Any of you young people out there want to do something about this?