Someone I used to know said this to her sister-in-law. Let’s call her B. B’s sister-in-law had said she didn’t like tofu and took offense to B’s comment, the accusation and assumption of her inferior taste. As if it’s an expected social norm everywhere on earth that people must and do like tofu. B couldn’t understand why her words were offensive.

This short anecdote describes our world today. What is so obvious to you in its accuracy is wildly wrong to me. You think I should believe what you do and get pissy when I don’t. I can’t agree with your politics, and you think I’m the problem whereas I think you’re just, plain dumb.

Let me list more:

• Immigrants are welcome and necessary. Immigrants are the root of all our social problems.
• Women have become too outspoken. Women are righteously angry and will say whatever we want.
• Soft parenting is the proper way to raise children. Your kids are spoiled brats.
• Consuming red meat is bad for your health. We need animal protein to stay healthy.
• My God is the true God. So what?
• Joan Didion is an incredible writer. I have yet to finish one of Joan Didion’s books.
• Women should wear high heels to work. We don’t dress for your entertainment.

The list can be endless. I’ve read the theory about how history repeats itself around every 80 years. I might even believe this. The consequence of believing this theory is that we are, and will be for some time, in a place of utter chaos. Rampant xenophobia passes for public policy. Lying politicians get a free pass because their words cater to a specific segment of the population with money and power and influence.

Let me share another story of a woman who was sure of herself and her beliefs. Let’s call her Z. At age 17, Z decided to dedicate her life to Jesus Christ and thought I should as well. I didn’t see why Z’s beliefs needed to be my beliefs and told her as much. I explained how comfortable I was with what I believed. Z disapproved. I stood my ground. I peppered questions at her, which she answered by flipping through the pages of the Bible and giving me what to her were suitable answers. Later Z told me it was God leading her to the right Bible verse that would counteract my points. Okay. Good on her.

The question isn’t whether I believe her. The Lord works in mysterious ways, yes? The question is whether your beliefs should become mine just because you are convinced so. Let’s look to history to find the answer. Hitler eventually killed himself. There is no more Stalingrad. Pharmaceutical companies started testing their drugs on women in 1993. In theory, equality is law. Women are allowed to drive in Saudi Arabia.

And yet I judge. You don’t recycle? Shame on you. You think it’s okay to call people piggy and stupid? For fuck’s sake, grow a brain. You think the crying “fake news” is really the end of the discussion? My GOD, how dumb can you be!

I can defend my correct beliefs and dismiss yours just as easily as you do to me. I stand by my conviction that I am right. The question begs, am I any different than the person who insulted her sister-in-law about tofu? The more I stand by my convictions, the more I alienate people. Vice versa is also true. If we are all so convinced of our own correctness, how do we possibly engage in any type of meaningful conversation? If, “who doesn’t like tofu” is the wrong thing to say—although firmly believed by the person who said it—I attack the person and show how arrogant and wrong she was, am I any different than her?

How does this work?

If we can’t agree to disagree, if we are grossly offended by others, if we remain steadfast in our own correctness, is there any hope for a resolution?

When Hitler killed himself the Nazi party did not die with it. The rest of the world as well as the Government of Germany acknowledged his role in its suffocating historical acts. There was a general global consensus he was a horrid human being. What’s it going to take for the current leaders who spew hatred and falseness to be similarly shunned, shamed and silenced?

Why can no one answer this question in a satisfactory way that builds consensus? What are we missing? Are we doomed to repeat the past? Eighty years after World War 2 ended are we due for another global crisis, a war of similar proportions caused by arrogant men and women who can’t, don’t, and/or won’t see sense?

What do we do? Seriously.